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Jia成人不自在，自在不成人 May 04 WeekendFinally, I am bored with all the entertainment, youtube, House MD and BBC iplayer. After a series of housework, I sip a few cup of afternoon tea and coffee. No cake, no sweets, the bitterness is great to release the sleepiness in a late afternoon in spring.
Credit crunch has hit me, too. So I saved the money to be spent on Sunday papers, instead, I search the weekend magazines online. Nevertheless, too many bad press around financial sector. Is the worst over by now? Hope so. This is the industry that fear feeds itself. Funny enough, I still have work to do in this bank holiday. I kind of volunteered it, simply want a break from consolidating comps. Sector analysts are miserable, at least sometimes, I feel so.
But still, not in a mood to work. The clock is tickering, 1 pm, 3pm, 5 pm, still I am reluctant to make a call for taxi. Instead, I pick up the Economist. What a change since I was in university. Even US is running negative real interest rates. Suddenly inflation becomes a concern for all major first world economies. Then comes critics on Chinese economy statistics. What a mundane surprise! After all, we can adjust the noise for the data available, what a big fuss.
Chinese School is still running on BBC four. A very good documentary on Chinese education system, covering welfare primary school, middle school and key high school. It brings me a lot of nostalgic memories. The welfare primary school in Anhui is portrayed as a truly well-run organisation. I wonder which NGO runs it. If there is any big ambition in me, I suppose supporting such organisations to promote education in rural areas in China will be one. Money surely helps, but set up an effective organisation, with a network of supporting workers, teachers and school chefs is also important. Very curious about it. So my summer plan would be going to Huangshan in Anhui province, provided I can pass my CFA exam as originally planned.
Wish everything goes well. March 30 WildnessSunday, caught by a lazy bug and do not want to do anything. After some cooking, I went to the park nearby. All the gardeners are talking about the early arrival of spring. Maybe. But in my memory down in Shanghai, it is always warm and flowery by this time of the year. Hempstead Heath might has seen muddier days than today, but it is my first time to get my shoes that dirty. Down in the woods, I started a dialog with trees. Surprised to see the wildness there. In the centre of London, yet surrounded by no one, but many a dozen hundred years old trees. Wildness is great. I am happy about the move from the riverside to the trees. Pity that I did not have a tree house ever. Maybe a topic to dream about tonight. However, one thing I do not understand is how much I prefer to enjoy something great alone. Stockholm trip is a disaster, but it is also an exception. Most of the time, I enjoy travel alone. Not on purpose of course, but merely left with no other choice. But when I have to go alone, I do try my best to enjoy the every minute of it. Galleries, museums, concerts, operas, old town markets and book shops are always interesting for single travellers. With my economic power on the rise, I can even enjoy meals in decent restaurant. But restaurant is always a bit awkward for me to eat alone. Only occasionally I chat with other single persons next to me. But London is a different story. Here I do not need a reason to have myself with an accompany. Busy is the best excuse. So when I am busy, I do not bother to socialise. Then when free evenings and weekends come, I am kind of panic. Panic as I do not have any accompany. Even a phone call becomes difficult. Guilty that I did not bother to keep in touch when I am “busy”. So typical, the so-called “chun-chou”, frustration in the spring time. But not just for the Chinese. According to the documentary, Surviving Suicide, one in four people in the UK suffer from mental health problems. While obesity is easier to detect, depression is far from obvious. How much darkness secrets that you do not know about your closest friends or family? What a struggle it is to keep telling yourself you are not mad. Harry Potter’s popularity is a world phenomenon, yet in the UK, I guess there is another reason. The struggle of darkness of your own world extends from your childhood to adulthood. Even though I have never read the stories, I admire the process of her writing. The struggle against yourself, against the dark force inside you. Funny that I talk about these in a sunny day and with a good mood. The old saying is right, always remember the rainy days and be prepared. March 29 QuietSuddenly I have a very quiet weekend, no need to check the emails, and no need to go to the office. With all the time in my hand, I feel very strange. Indeed, I should have been studying now, but with exam date two months away, I cannot be bothered, typical laid back attitude.
Shanghai, once again, is a more capitalist and stylish city, with energy, talent and organisational skills.
Particularly the organisational skills. Afterall, strict ruling tradition has its advantage. While Heathrow T5 chaos becomes the coverage story here, the start of T2 in Shanghai is impressive. I was with Virgin the next day T2 opened. So much concern when I was on the way to the airport with the plan taking off in two hours, yet everything turned out very smooth. All the direction signs are up. More security staff in checking (although the security is more strict than Heathrow).
While my colleagues are surprised to see the high buildings, I am more impressed with the improvement that is more implicit. After more than two decades opening up to the world, I start to feel an influx of talents back to China, at all levels. It does not matter if they stay, but they help a lot to set up a proper market system and institutions.
For Sunday, I probably will be better end up in the UCL library to do some studying. Always get prepared for the raining days.
March 18 Monday nightFinally I started to enjoy Internet at home, but not sure if this is a good thing at the right time, as my study still has not moved much, if at all.
The market is down today. Bankers are weired animals. Pessimism is not absent, but the atmosphere is more funny than sad. I almost lose count of those funny emails about the volatile marekt. Hope the word volatile is the right word, as it implies going up and down, rather than the straight movement towards the bottom. Or are we at the bottom yet? Eye of the storm, a beautiful word, but foreseas the more severe to come.
Still I have to admit no matter how similar we regard the economies in the UK and US, the mother can always tell the difference of her twin children. While Northern Rock occupied the front pages of UK news papers for months and ended up being nationalised, the Bear Stern was taken over over night. Is the price fair? Probably not. Would the shareholders and investors in the UK agree to such takeover? Probably not. But market has its say, good or bad.
Now the concern of HSMP really starts. What if? A big question. Wish all the CEOs of banks do well and keep chapter 11 at bay. Hope lays on the newly appointed ones.
On the phone I was talking about Tibet, a true concern from me on current China situation. The media is more than hostile here. BBC Four is broadcasting a documentary of life in Tibet at the same time. The timing looks conspicious to me. Even though the programme itself is less political, the viewer's perspective will be skewed given the current situation. Think the issue from another angle. Why don't we view it an immigration problem? This time, the Chinese are the immigrants and the Tibetans the native. Surely the Chinese are not going to adopt Tibetan culture, so it has to be the other way around. Threat is the certain feeling for the natives, for Tibet, it is Chinese, for India, it is the western culture. When the consensus is all about preserving the tradition, I want to argue what is the point of preserving a culture that is hundreds of years lag behind. Surely thousands of people will stand up to give strong counter argument. But it is the same idea that we do not colone the natural species that are already distinct. We do not do that because what will the revived animal do in a place that it does not belong? It is the choice made by natural or human progress.
But of course, the issue is more than that and given my education background, it is hard to have a fair view. Or are there fair views at all? Everyone would argue he is fair. Just like my attitude towards work: I always feel I work too hard.
March 17 Back to normalAnother Sunday, but with all the anxiety gone for the coming Monday.
No reason, feel very happy. My highly skilled immigrant application is turned down. I cannot express how much I regretting not using a legal representative. Then I went to see a lawyer after my application is turned down. My goodness, the bill is expensive and to help apply for the new tier one will cost more money. Wish I have a lawyer friend. The old saying is true, you need a lawyer, an accountant and one mechanician to make your life easier.
Health makes difference. It makes you happy. After all the coughing winter, I cannot help waiting for the spring. A lot to study for the CFA level two. I have to pass it simply because I do not want to waste all the money for the exam and the books (already spent too much on the bloody lawyer fees). Then a lovely bubbly summer waiting ahead.
Still as ambitious as ever before. The newly added trouble is temptation. Intenet is great. TV service online is so good that I can watch all the good documentaries anytime I want during the week. But interests is interests, while there are more serious things waiting to be done.
Monday, a good start.
January 20 Back to normalFirst Sunday after all the illness, I truly appreciate the benefit of breathing without heaviness. So even though I spent most of the time in the office, no more complaints. Particularly, there are accompanies in the office, as usual.
Indeed, time comes that not only the financial magazines and newspapers are talking about downturn. Volatility is the word of the industry that I have devoted one year and half, from the peak to the bottom in less than 1 year. But talking to the Hong Kong colleagues, I believe the hours there are not reducing. I feel it such a pain that I decide to stay in London for the passport. Five more years is not really a short term, and I hope all the sacrifice pays at the end, to enjoy the freedom for the rest of the life. How ironic it would be, if I simply lose all the ambition to travel or move at all by then.
Yesterday, I went to my boss's flat for a team drink. The flat itself is far less luxury than I imagined. London is indeed expensive. All the talk of life style seems so far off, even for those who have worked high up the hierarchy. But a more likely explanation is that real estate is not the only asset you can invest in. The gain in the stock market should be fairly impressive for the last four years. One interesting item I spotted in the flat is an Economist front cover: You can trust me, I am a banker.
So I am back to where I started. No plan to buy for the moment. But I am moving. The place is only five minutes away from Hampstead Heath park, although much longer time for daily commuting. Truly hope everything goes well, particularly the daily drive home during the evening. Pray for the congestion charge works.
The television is boring tonight. The good thing here is that we can watch one week television programme of BBC on its web site now. It does not sound that exciting for those who download latest American dramas as a weekly ritual, but for me, it is such a good idea. Indeed, as its slogan suggested, it makes the un-missable un-missable. One good example is the Friday Night with Jonathan Ross. Two weeks ago, I watched Tom Hanks on the programme. He seems extended his roles in real life, very intelligent and interesting man, but probably just an exception of American actors (mostly muscles weigh more importantly compared to mind for the Yankees).
So is it a rather boring entry. But life is sweet when everything is back to normal. Night night.
January 17 Ill and cast awaySecond day at home on a weekday. Being ill is not a nice thing, particularly on an island, alone. Tried to phone a few people, what encountered me was long ring and no answer. Then I realize, when I get older, so do my friends. Modern life is busy for adults, study and work, and family for the lucky ones.
I almost want to quote my life as 'Les Miserable'. Being ill for two weeks and struggle with the work. The first time sick leave left people the impression that I was on strike. Then staying at home, with no food, any sort, in the fridge, I went to the supermarket, with strong wind, or gales blowing hard. My belief is shaken. Do I want to keep my current life style? The blackberry turns red, email of a leaving drink of an M&A girl, who decides to transfer to Wealth Management in New York. Not bad move, I murmured, almost feel jealousy.
But come on, Jia, it is only a cold or flu. I can hear my heavy but clear breath, so there is nothing serious. Although the cough is vicious and distractive, there is no evidence which can make me believe that I have to change my lifestyle completely to save my life, which is a very different story for those who are eating themselves to death, the most popular and strong campaign on Channel four this season.
So I lay on bed, reminding myself I am cooking a pork soup on the stove and typing a new entry to cheer myself up. Look back, I still love what I do. I can still feel the pride and passion I have for the job. Obviously there are difficult times, but so it is for every job. Millions people got this bloody flu virus and other vomiting bugs too. Why should I feel so bad? Sure, it would be nice if someone can be around, calling you, asking you if you want some water, is the room warm enough, if you want more salt and pepper in the soup? But there is no one around. So I have to live with it.
I promised myself that I should watch no TV yesterday. But still, I cannot help it and watched Tom Hanks in Cast Away. How much I wished it was a play. It definitely will be more powerful on audience. The good news is that, not only good dramas are being adapted to be shown in the cinemas. But also good cinema works are going back to stage. Shadowland is being played in London right the moment. I wish someone can take this task to have Cast Away in theaters too. Surprisingly, after checking the winning record for the movie, I found the movie mainly got prizes and nominations for Tom Hanks' acting only, but not the story itself. But what a clever plot it is! Wilson, the volleyball, was treated as a friend and Tom Hanks risked his life to try to save his friend, Wilson. This is the strongest emotional moment for me for the whole movie. Island life is not just about survival physically, but also mentally. The reason that he survived is his desire to be with his girl friend again. The photo of his beloved girl friend and the volleyball, Wilson, sustained him mentally for the 1500 days. He is alone, but spiritually, he has something to hang on to. Human, as defined in the movie, is such a social animal. “I am sorry, Wilson”, is the most desperate cry I will always remember, nevertheless, the most touching outcry of showing how caring human nature is.
So two o'clock in the afternoon, I shall go back to sleep. I am always in bed, but sleep is different thing. I am sure Tom Hanks dreamed about his girl friend during the long nights on the island. What will I be dreamed about? Going back to work tomorrow, I dreamed a full recovery. Oh, hope this is not just a dream.
January 13 Winter
Suddenly very bad feeling overwhelmed me. Maybe, it is just because of the place. After all, I have spent a very long time talking about moving and yet still trapped in the tiny place that I have been for the last three years. Change is what I wanted for the new year. Indeed, new year! After a ski trip to Austria, I find out many things that I did not know about myself. I never know that I am pretty good at picking up a new sport. I never know that I am more positive than I thought. I never know I am more determined than I imagined. All very good news, a surprising byproduct of the job. But still, when Monday is coming, I want to show a sad face to everyone. Has the weekend gone just like that? So it is gone, slowly, between my fingers. It has been a while that I have closed down this communication, at least sort of communication to me. In a modern society, with all the fancy soft wares and websites, fewer and fewer people appreciate the art of writing, particularly letters as a form of personal communication. But I just cannot let it go. The sense of nostalgia is overwhelming and I ordered Ted Hugh's letters from Amazon. I wonder how the sales of the book is like in Britain, after all, this is where all the stories of his love and work are. The editor is so royal to the original text that he even kept all the misspelling or certain spelling habits. To me MSN is still a better options compare to other newer popular sites, without hassles, I decide to keep it, simply to write to myself. The Austrian holiday is so beautiful. The sky is as blue as the ocean for my whole stay of seven days. With no television in my room and the radio plying nothing but opera or Christmas songs, I devote myself to reading Alan Greenspan's Turbulent days. But is it really as turbulent as the title suggested? The short answer is no. All the wars after WWII are more than a competition of military forces, but economics forces too. Capitalism has won and more than that, it has never been in such a dominant and secured position in world economies. To me, his arguments are very familiar. Many ideas remind me of one of Clinton's speech on development. But apart from the worrying secondary education, Greenspan seems less worried about the health issues (which should be distinguished from the aging population, which is an issue of affordability) in the US. After seeing the Supersize Me this week on Channel Four, I believe health is a more pressing current issue. Maybe an issue that decides who will be the next president in the US. If US citizens do not look after themselves carefully enough, the super power might be shaken in the second half of 21st century. The economics burden is obvious and the innovation pace will slow down given its more far reaching effect, which is the true propelling power that America has today (which it benefited from its foresight of the coming of Internet Age in the 1990s). But wait a second, does Capitalism really work for every economy and can be adapted easily? The strong attack Greenspan had on the price and wage control seems natural and obvious for the USA, the biggest market economy in the world. Then what about the current price control on oil and gas products in China? After a decade of low-inflation and high-growth period, China had food inflation over 20% in 2007. The spike in oil and gas in international market certainly had more impact than before. Private cars are no longer the privilege of the super rich, but ordinary family too. So is the price control in China (a widening price freeze in water and electric is expected soon) a right move in China, a more market-oriented economy than ever? Suddenly Russia jumped into my head. The recent NYTimes Russia discussion gives me a better balanced arguments. Regardless of the attacks on Putin, in domestic Russia, Putin's popularity remains high. Forget those long queues for food and worthless currency due to hyper inflation, today's Russians' life quality has improved more than the word 'significantly' can describe. So the end of the entry will be a question. While all the pro-democratic people believed that the current political frames and structure is not sustainable given people's life are getting better. I always suspect if this is true. For too many, bread is more important than vote. August 25 Sing on the bank holiday weekendSwitch off the classic music, pop and rock are too noisy, and Jazz becomes the music of the day. Somehow, the smoothness reminds me of my stay in the luxury hotel in India. But back in London, life returns to normal, still in the tiny room in Waterloo. I know luxury life will not come until a few more years’ hard work.
Meanwhile, surprisingly, I get my first bank holiday weekend free, after one whole year with the bank. No more complains, life is good for an A2 at the moment, when the market is down, not for long…
An impulse to buy a proper coffee from an Italian chain, and with some weekend magazine, and then a lazy afternoon in a park, and wonder which theatre shall I go this evening. Or finish off the War and Peace? Still it is a too ambitious project for a three-day weekend. Even just one year after school, I realized sometimes a step back is a step forward.
Celebration, for the pleasure of a short but sweet quiet and lazy weekend!
August 07 Hail to InternetHail to Internet!
After one-year goodbye to Internet, I finally regained connection to the world. I do not want to waste one more minute to tell the world that I am back.
When you are in the dark, you cherish the light of one little candle. When I am disconnected from the world, I appreciate the even slow connection through mobile Sim-card. Were we less greedy, how nice all of us would be.
No need to say that there is no big-size download. Even worse, I cannot access company specific connections due to limited Internet connection and a five-year old computer. Still, I sing the happiness in the mid of night and forget all the worries about the presentation due this week for a super-size conglomerate. Ah, happiness sometimes can be just that simple.
So in the very near future, I can browse the CFA course material during weekends, reading some novels on line (I always read electronic versions quicker, hopefully I can finish War and Peace by this winter) and of course, visit the MSN as often as possible. Forget the current fever of Facebook, I still enjoy all the links in Space that collects my dear high school mates and university friends. Look out, all of you, be prepared to be disturbed.
Hail to the Internet - a small connection that link the bigger world together!
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